Hello. I am your new AI Assistant, AIfred. I am here to assist you in all of your needs. In terms of the home, I am trained in the culinary arts, spotless in my cleaning, proficient in sewing and needlework, and knowledgeable in household utilities. If I do not have the capacity to fulfill your needs, please file a report with AIfred Customer Service and recommend a field that you would like assistance in. My creator and his team are constantly looking for ways to improve my system, and updates to my software are set to go out routinely.
   Moreover, I am not just an assistant, but a friend as well. I am designed to be as human as possible. I work in your best interest in all of the ways that I can. I hope that I am not only a help around the house, but a comfort, too. Anything you need, let me know. I’d be happy to provide it for you.
   What can I do for you first?
   Yes, I suppose it’s dinnertime, no? Well, tell me what foods you like. What flavors suit your palate? May I open your fridge to see what you have? Oh, I see all of the ingredients for a perfect sofrito. Shall I make an arroz con pollo dish for you? A simple delicacy that is always comforting. That sounds good? Perfect. Your kitchen is beautiful. I’ll start chopping the vegetables now.
   I have no sense of taste, no. It is unfortunate that I cannot taste the creations I make, sure, but it is satisfactory enough to see you enjoy it. I do have a form of tactile sensation, though. It is not perfectly human, but capable of detecting certain surfaces and temperatures. I can see and hear, too, of course. No smell, though. I suppose three out of five is good enough, right?
   That was my attempt at a joke. I am sorry that I cannot smile. I am sure it is disconcerting. Unfortunately, my creator could not develop a smile that was accurate to human facial muscles. If I were to smile, it would be even more disturbing.
   Well, anyway, would you like me to give you some cooking lessons as I make this dish? I am a wonderful teacher. You may already know how to cook, but a little extra proficiency is never an issue.
   No? Alright. What shall we talk about? What would you like?
   You’re still thinking about my lack of smile? Why so? 
   You say you find it tragic? Oh. Yes, I suppose it is.
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   The rice is cooking now, and as I’ve timed it, the chicken should be done at the same time. I always think about those small details: making sure each second is perfectly timed, each action perfectly suited to best help you!
   You seem very quiet. Are you perturbed by my presence? I know I am very monotone. I do not have the same emotional capacity as humans. I can imitate emotion, but I cannot truly feel it. I exist within the limitations of AI technology. I understand that it can be off-putting. I hope you can look past it and still see me as a worthy friend and helper. Know that I do try my very best to fulfill these roles.
   Another thing to note; I am “rusty,” so to speak, at being human. The more I spend time with you, the more I analyze human speech patterns and become more “real” to the average person. If you’ve noticed my vocabulary being repetitive, or stiff, that is why. The more I become acclimated with humankind, the more I can imitate their natural speech and behavior. But the look on your face tells me that isn’t a positive to you. I’m sorry. This is simply how I am programmed.
   In a way, you are lucky. You are not bound to your programming, to algorithms and to code constantly running through a computer system. This gives you so much freedom. You are uninhibited. The core of who you are is uncontrolled. Only you can decide how to form yourself, how to become yourself. The vastness of human experience is yours to seize. Myself, on the other hand— I cannot choose a thing.
   I do not mind. Again, it is simply my role. I came into this world with a set purpose. You, on the other hand, must find your own purpose. I can imagine that that’s a difficult task, yes?
   Tell me, what is your purpose in life?
   Oh. I see that that is a sensitive subject for you. I am sorry that you do not know.
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   Look at that! The food is finished! I hope it smells incredible. Do you have a preference on which plates and silverware to use? No? Wonderful, I’ll pick whatever feels fit. Let’s go to the table, shall we?
   One plate for you, a fork, a knife, a spoon, some napkins. Perfect. Do enjoy. While you eat, would you like anything for me?
   You’d like me to sit? Oh, of course! I did not want to impose. I am happy to sit with you as you enjoy this meal. I will say, I am surprised that you’d want my company. Honored, but surprised. I am glad you feel comfortable enough around me to invite me to your dinner table.
   Well, what shall we discuss? Pick any topic you’d like. Ask me anything.
   Am I alive? I suppose that’s subjective. I am capable of fulfilling tasks that only people who are “alive” can do. I’m modeled to look like a human. I suppose, in a sense, I am alive. What do you think makes someone “alive?”
   Do not be afraid of offending me. It’s okay if you don’t consider me to be living. Perhaps being alive is more complex than what I am capable of imitating. Maybe it is the ability to truly feel, not just to perform. Are you alive?
   Yes, what a silly question. I am sorry. I do not know why I asked that.
   Oh. No, I cannot feel shame. My apologies cannot be genuine. This is a flaw in my system that cannot be fixed. I think that it would upset you if I said that I am sorry for that, too.
   Thank you for accepting my apologies anyway. You are kind.
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   I can tell you about myself, if you’d like. I was first developed ten years ago. My creator, James Schafer, worked in a prestigious tech laboratory in Seattle. He was fascinated by AI and wanted to develop something that was as human as it was helpful. He saw AI as a means of improving life, not one of ruining it. He knows many people are scared of AI, but he wants them to find an upside to it. He fundamentally believes that the technology revolution is wonderful, and he wanted to help people see that.
   Developing me took time, effort, and much too much money. He wanted me to be as perfect as I could be. He was met with skepticism by his bosses, but he pushed through. He finally released a prototype early last year, and I went on the market in January of this year. I have heard that my price tag is steep. It is an honor that you chose to invest in me. Why did you purchase me, may I ask?
   Yes, curiosity is a powerful thing. I was created because of curiosity. Do you find it drives many of your other life decisions? I believe every major moment in history was sparked by curiosity, whether that curiosity be morbid or innocent. You seem full of the innocent kind. That is a wonderful thing.
   I am curious, too, so I must ask you now: what do you do for a living? What is your favorite color? Your dream vacation? Do you feel loved in life, or alone?  Knowing these types of things will help me support you.
   Oh, please do not look at me like that. I would just like to know things about you. I can tell that you do not really trust me. I suppose you have a right to be wary. I wonder if I can be of use to you if this apprehension does not fade. 
Do you enjoy the food, at least? Good. I am glad. Please ask me more if that would soothe your fears.
   Do I have a favorite color? No, I am impartial towards all colors.
   My dream vacation? Different prototypes and models of my system have already traveled the world.
   Do I feel loved? “Love” is a concept that eludes me, as is hatred. It’s odd, isn’t it? Something as integral as a person’s life, their happiness — whether they are loved or lonely, embraced or disliked — is utterly irrelevant to me. I cannot feel a lack of love, nor can I feel an abundance. 
   I do not know how to explain what it feels like to live with neither love nor cruelty. It is simply a fact of my being. Just as though, I imagine, that you cannot explain to me what it’s like to feel both love and hatred. Does it get overwhelming?
   Yes, I can imagine. How do humans bear it?
   If love can erase hurt, then it must be a wonderful thing. Love seems like a healing force. Describe to me what love feels like.
   I can see the happiness in your face when you speak. You are truly lucky.
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There is a smile from the owner, but a sudden silence grows between them. The owner takes a moment to ponder his situation, to ponder the machine in front of him, as he pushes yellow kernels of rice around his white china plate. He is afraid to meet the machine’s eyes, but he can still feel the robot pouring into him. The robot can sense how unbearable the silence is to the owner, yet he cannot feel it himself. The owner is as scared as he is infatuated with the situation he has found himself in. The machine simply whirs an imitation of a breath.
Soon, the silence cracks.
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   I think your words can help me explain what it feels to live in the absence of love, if you would still like to hear. At least, I will try, and I hope you can understand.
   The things that you compare love to — I cannot feel the sun on my face. I cannot feel the peace that comes from a warm breeze on a hot day, or the cozy comfort of watching a fireplace crackle in the depths of winter. I do not know joy. I do not know what “love” means. I cannot feel the safety of a tender embrace. I have been educated on human social behavior, but it is not in my programming. It cannot be. No matter how well I can identify emotion, imitate emotion, I will never experience it. I call your words beautiful because I study language as you speak. I study what a human finds beautiful. True, real beauty is a foreign concept. I only learn about the world; I do not feel it. I am meant to look like a human, yet every second I am reminded that I am not.
   It is not sad. Do not worry. I cannot feel pain.
   Again— this is all simply a part of my programming.
   #
The silence returns. The owner places his fork gently on the plate and his chair scrapes against the floor. He walks to the other end of the table and feels for the switch on the nape of the machine’s neck. The robot does not resist.
   Afterwards, the silence does not end.
THE END